No one is coming to rescue YOU.

Somedays are going to be more challenging than the others. You might be so broke or in debt that checking your bank account has become a chore. You might be feeling shitty because you can’t seem to conquer the addiction or the harmful habit, such as gossiping or complaining about others. You might not like the job you are presently in, or you feel stuck in a toxic relationship. You might be in a codependent relationship wherein you are dependent on others to solve your issues for you. Life can be tricky sometimes; whatever will go wrong will eventually go wrong.

When the going gets tough, we all have a choice to forgive ourselves, bounce bank and keep it moving. Every mess has a message, and everything that might lessen us also has a lesson in it. Whatever you might be going through right now, no matter how tough it seems, you have the agency to turn it around. It is going to be a dog fight, you are going to fall down multiple times, relapse, your emotions are going to get the best of you. You are going to doubt yourself, people are going to doubt you, and the naysayers are going to be loud in your heart, but you have to, at some point, take personal responsibility for your life.

Be kind to yourself; you are a being going through the human experience. To turn the tide in your favour, you’ve got to take personal responsibility for your life by realizing no one is coming to the rescue. The challenges are not here to stay; they are teachers who have come to teach you some important lessons on your path to greatness. The government, your parents, friends, family, and co-workers can be supportive during trying times, as they should, but you are the one who can and will take the actions that will turn your life around. Your transformation will start when you decide that you are ready to change and you take personal responsibility by talking to the man in the mirror. American author and motivational speaker Jim Rohn observed “If you don’t design your life plan, you’ll fall into someone else’s plan. And guess what they have planned for you? Not much.” 

Codependency ¹

In healthy adult relationships, you don’t have to be responsible for other people. The responsibility of managing someone else’s life, mood, boundaries, and feelings is codependency. In unhealthy adult relationships, codependency can manifest as feeling entitled to access someone’s life and how they choose to function in their life. While needing people is healthy, enmeshing with them and losing who you are is codependent. Making it your job to rescue them from problems of their own doing (without being asked) is codependent. Losing touch with your needs and taking on someone else’s is codependent. Mutual closeness is healthy, but entangling who you are and how you feel with someone else isn’t.

Sometimes, the person you intend to help doesn’t want to change. With each choice, you have the option to allow people to self-manage or to manage things for them. You can manage codependency by showing people how to care for themselves, allowing them to evolve into greater self-sufficiency, and managing the expectations of your support for them.

Behaviors have consequences ²

Behaviors have consequences. Whatever a person puts into the world will have an equal consequence. Cloud and Townsend, in Boundaries,  teach that when your family members ignore the law of sowing and reaping, there are consequences. The law of cause and effect asserts that severe consequences await anyone who does intentional harm to another. If you choose to rescue or protect people from the natural consequences their behavior merits, you render them powerless. Family members who emotionally abuse and manipulate you position themselves to face the natural consequences that match their behavior. What is the natural consequence of their poor treatment? The loss of the relationship.

In his book, The Success Principles: How to Get from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be, ³ author Jack Canfield shares a funny story that exemplifies how most of us deal with responsibility.

There is a wonderful story told about a man who is out walking one night and comes upon another man down on his knees looking for something under a street lamp. The passerby inquires as to what the other man is looking for. He answers that he is looking for his lost key. The passerby offers to help and gets down on his knees and helps him search for the key. After an hour of fruitless searching, he says, “We’ve looked everywhere for it and we haven’t found it. Are you sure that you lost it here?”

The other man replies, “No, I lost it in my house, but there is more light out here under the street lamp.”

Like the man in the above story, most of us usually hide from ourselves, our issues and our responsibilities. Hence, we seek others to solve our problems; we numb our pain and even self-sabotage, all in an attempt not to confront the issues head-on.

Meditations

Daily Calm with Tamara Levitt – Unlimited Space

Sometimes, we are not aware of how the spaciousness of our environment impacts our physical and emotional states. The amount of space we feel within our own minds can also affect our state of being. Mindfulness helps us become aware of any mental constrictions we might be experiencing.

Daily Jay with Jay Shetty – Practice Makes Better

We often expect to be good at things rather quickly. We think that things should come easily to us if we are talented. In reality, it is all about putting in the work. If you really want to be great at something, you have to invest all your energy in it, and the more you do it, the better you get. As you gain more experience, you will develop muscle memory and confidence. If you are patient, the work will pay off. Practice makes progress,

Daily Trip with Jeff Warren – Deliberate Slow Ritual

Podcast

• How to Find Your Purpose and Master Essentialism — Greg McKeown

All the best in your quest to get better. Don’t Settle: Live with Passion