What are the facts?

A fact is something that is known to have happened or to exist, especially something for which proof exists, or about which there is information. The law of gravity states that whatever goes up must come down, that is a proven fact until someone proofs otherwise. If someone decides to disobey the present law of gravity by jumping from a 50-storey building unaided without support such as a parachute, they would become a casualty. Whenever we are dealing with other human beings, most of us operate from a place of emotion instead of the fact.

American poet Dr. Maya Angelou once said “When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.” People always shows us who they are before they becoming toxic but most of us turn a blind eye because we have always known this individual from childhood, they are our close friend, we worship in the same denomination, we do not ask ourselves what the facts are, instead we give people the benefit of the doubt – they ultimately get the benefit and we are left with the doubt. You are what you tolerate, always stick with the facts instead of relying on your emotion.

People are going to showing you their true colour especially when you are going through trying times. You so-called friends would fail to reach out when you lose your mum, your work colleagues would stay mute when you get laid off, your best friend would reduce interacting with you during your divorce proceeding, your siblings would not check on you when you are going through a financial or health crisis. People are going to show you their true character, if you squeeze an orange; you can only get an orange juice. Always ask yourself: “What are the facts?”. Most of us instead ask why is this individual acting topically or self-sabotaging, why have they change. I think it is better to focus on the facts and things in our locus of control instead of trying to fix or babysit adults. Stick with the facts because if you live casually, you would end up a casualty,

I try to live by the insightful words of Roman Emperor and Stoic Philosopher Marcus Aurelius who asserted in his book, Meditation which is a series of the personal writing to himself and ideas on stoic philosophy. He writes:

“When you wake up in the morning, tell yourself: the people I deal with today will be meddling, ungrateful, arrogant, dishonest, jealous and surly. They are like this because they can’t tell good from evil. But I have seen the beauty of good, and the ugliness of evil, and have recognized that the wrongdoer has a nature related to my own – not of the same blood and birth, but the same mind, and possessing a share of the divine. And so none of them can hurt me. No one can implicate me in ugliness. Nor can I feel angry at my relative, or hate him. We were born to work together like feet, hands and eyes, like the two rows of teeth, upper and lower. To obstruct each other is unnatural. To feel anger at someone, to turn your back on him: these are unnatural.”

Complaining vs Statements of Fact ¹

A statement of fact is a neutral comment intended to inform (not berate) the listener.
Complaints are counterattacks for perceived injustices. A statement of fact is a neutral comment intended to inform (not berate) the listener.

A complaint is distinguished from a statement of fact by the energy expressed.:

Statement of Fact: It’s hot today
Complaints: A heavy sigh followed by the lament “It’s hot today”

Complaining keeps our focus on the problem at hand rather than the resolution sought

Dealing the Facts of Life

Most of us never learned how to navigate our emotional worlds and have little emotional resilience; we are unable to rebound when things inevitably don’t go our way. When you are authentically you, you will encounter judgment and criticism. You will also disappoint others. These are just facts of life—a part of being a dynamic, individualized human. It does not mean that you are inherently wrong or right. As you mature emotionally, you will create more and more space for people who may not look, sound, act, or think like you. Learning how to tolerate differences—even outright contrasts—is a hallmark of emotional maturity.

Meditation

Daily Calm with Tamara Levitt – City Energy

City Energy is the frenetic excited energy that we live with day to day often without realizing it. It is the consequence of being forever busy and always moving. This is how most of us live, we raise from one thing to the next without waiting to catch our breath.

Daily Jay with Jay Shetty – Breaking Patterns