British-Indian podcaster and life coach Jay Shetty interviews former first lady of the United States of America, Michelle Obama, on his podcast –On Purpose with Jay Shetty. Michelle and Jay are two of my favourite people in the world. Michelle’s memoir (Becoming) was very illuminating, and I listen to Jay Shetty every day on the Calm.com meditation app (Daily). They discuss Michelle’s philosophy on relationships, managing fame, mindful technology usage and her recent book (“The Light We Carry.”).

Michelle Obama: How to Stay with Your Partner When They Are Changing & 4 Check-ins You Should Be Doing in Your Relationship

Michelle

• The best part of being Michelle is having solid people in their lives and cultivating those relationships—a big Kitchen table.
• Michelle uses the metaphor of climbing Mount Everest as an analogy for building relationships and letting some relationships that have served their time go. You can’t carry everyone with you on your way to the top, people that can’t follow you to the top, you’ve got to leave them behind – survival remorse.
• Graceful Ending – Slow Ghost: Let relationships take their natural course. Friendships and relationships will tell you when they are ready. You have to listen to it. Stay open to the possibilities with people. Keep your aperture wide open to let people in, but when people show you who they are, let them out quickly.
• Jay shared a piece of advice a mentor once shared: The more closed, specific and controlling (CSC) you get. The less you can connect, grow, evolve and learn.

• On having a long-lasting relationship: First things first. Pick Well: Choose someone you respect and like.
• The Worst Part of the journey so far: It can be lonely, dystopic and Isolating.
• On Fame: Do you have an idea of what fame is? You lose your anonymity, The ability to observe the world and not be observed, less spontaneity and a loss of a piece of yourself.
• On fighting style: Early on, Michelle was an exploder, and Barrack was and is always a fixer. Barrack is not afraid to put his emotions out. Michelle has learned that exploding on a fixer does not look good on them, and Barrack has learned that Michelle needs a little bit more time as a hider.
• When you are young, you just want to be heard, but as you grow older, you have a goal; you want to achieve something. Being heard the way you say it may not get you to your goal.

Going High is about being strategic. If your aim is change, you’ve got to consider if your approach is going to allow change to happen. It means you are thinking of a broader point outside of your own anger, hurt or pain. This is passion matured into purpose. One has to mature one’s passion,

• What still offends Michelle even when she tries to go high: Injustice, greed, ego, racism, ignorance, unfairness and bullying.
• On Fear: People with a lot are afraid of having enough; it is not rational, but we fear others, too. It is hard to give to people you think you should be afraid of because you can’t connect with them. What is keeping us from connecting with each other is fear, I don’t know you; so I have to keep you from coming into my space.

“Those who love peace must learn to organize as effectively as those who love war.” ― Martin Luther King Jr.

Michelle and Jay

• On the effects that negative news and social updates are affecting our society and the community we are in. Jay cites the following stats:

Scientists found that an average person today can process as much as 74 gigabytes (GB) of data a day.

• Jay also remarked that we absorb the same amount of tragedy as we would 25 years ago in one day. Michelle noted that as the first lady, she was privy to much first-hand information that President Obama had to deal with. She imagines and makes the analogy that the negativity on the phone through news is what they had access to, but on a larger scale.

Jay Shetty Tools and Insight

• Write down the needs you have in your life and list people that feel those needs.

Regular Check-In with your partner

Daily

• What was your highlight of the day?

Weekly

• What can I help you with this week?

Monthly

• What is your focus for the month?

Yearly

• What is your goal for the year?

Quarterly

• Is this relationship going in the direction you want it to? If it’s not,  what are we both willing to do to redirect it in the right direction?

Fight Styles: The Ventor, Hider and Exploder

The Ventor

• You want to vent and fix things right now.

The Hider

• You need time and space to think about the situation.

Exploder

• I want my emotions to be felt, heard and seen.

Final Five

• What is the best advice you’ve ever received?
  Michelle’s mom advise: Come home, we like you here.
• What is the worst advice you’ve ever heard or received?
  It was not the worst, but Michelle’s brother admonished her to be careful about having new friends.
• What did the white house reveal to you about yourself?
  The white house revealed to Michelle that she was intelligent, strategic and resilient. The white house tests you in ways that you never anticipated. The challenge of being “The Other”, you learn to be excellent all the time because you can’t be “less than others”.
• What do you want your legacy to be?
  That she helped more young people feel seen. Creating a stronger foundation for your people.
• If you create one law in the world that everyone had to follow, what would it be?
  Everyone should have a home to live in, food to eat, a job to go to and an education.
  

All the Best in your quest to get better. Don’t Settle: Live with Passion.