Relatives are the people you’re related to by blood, and family consists of the people who offer you a sense of belonging, acceptance, and connection.
Love is a verb, not a noun. It is not about what you say (“I Love You”); it is about what you do (Being supportive, listening and caring). Most of us confuse what people tell us they are (title) with what they show us (role). Someone can have a title of relative, family, sibling or friend, but the question is, are they playing the ideal role that the title confers? Your parent might not necessarily have the emotional wherewithal to be a trusted guide as one can not give what they do not have. Age is not the same thing as wisdom. The chronological timeline does not determine how wise someone is. It’s the same thing with who we call family; that someone is your family member does not mean they are your family. Family is anyone who shows you support and empathy, listens and accepts you for who you are. They say blood is thicker than water, but love is thicker than blood.
The older I get, the less I pay attention to what anyone says. I only watch what people do. As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “Who you are speaks so loudly I can’t hear what you’re saying.” People always show us their true colours, but we mostly ignore the red signs until too late. We ignore people’s real character because it is familiar (family), we are scared of being alone, fear of what other people would say and most importantly, not knowing what we want from life. One of the most challenging kinds of boundaries to set is boundaries for our family, friends and relatives. It is challenging because of the enmeshment, co-dependency, emotional entanglement, unresolved traumas and a lack of self-awareness.
As tricky as deciding to protect one’s peace and sanity is, it is worth the fight. Life is too short to be babysitting adults and enabling bad behaviour. I decided not too long ago not to engage with anything that does not radiate joy, peace, and harmony. One of my favourite prayers is GOD save me from frenemies, enemies disguised as friends, bad blood(s) disguised as acquaintances and the envious disguised as family. It is tough, but the moment one realizes that people come into our life for a reason, a season and a lifetime, the relational roller coaster will not be too tumultuous. The key to a long-lasting relationship is to realize when the relationship needs refreshing or letting go of it.
Perhaps the only way to love certain family members and be well is to love them from a distance. In doing this, you’re choosing self-preservation and self-love. It isn’t an uncomplicated choice, but it might be the healthiest one for you. Remember that “love” is a verb, and action is needed to sustain relationships. When there aren’t any beneficial actions to support the relationship, you lose the ability to maintain it. So when staying is harder, leaving becomes an option.
“You don’t have to accept mistreatment from people just because you’re related to them. You don’t have to stay in unhealthy relationships because of shared history. Healthy relationships are rooted in love, mutual respect, and connection. Ask yourself: Is this relationship supportive of my values and what I want in my life?”
We aren’t naturally inclined to drop these relationships or change how we show up in them, so we hold on, hoping that something will change. If you’ve arrived at the place of wanting to sever a relationship, you’ve likely already tried everything you can to stay.
Relatives are the people you’re related to by blood, and family consists of the people who offer you a sense of belonging, acceptance, and connection. If you want to maintain relationships, you might have to accept that some family members won’t fit your ideal image. You may have to meet them where they are and resist the urge to pull them up to your level. Some issues are worth fighting for, while others are not. You don’t have to tolerate mistreatment from people just because you’re related to them.
People are usually who they’ve shown themselves to be in the past. Stop acting surprised when they behave as they always have
Daily Calm with Tamara Levitt – Openness
We all want to be expert because not being an expert means confessing that we might not know everything, the thing is we don’t. Each moment is brand new, clinging to our old opinion could hinder us from seeing the big picture or opening to a new perspective. What would it mean to move to let go? The benefit of an I don’t know mind and not having to be an expert is that just about everyone has something to teach us.
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts. – Bertrand Russell
Daily Jay with Jay Shetty – We are Nature
We are so immersed in technology that we have started appropriating its language to describe ourselves: Productive, efficient, system, upgrade. We compare ourselves to robots; we often think that if we want to improve, there is a linear set of instructions to follow. If we are hurting, we say we are broken. If we are tired, we say our battery is drained.
When we feel like we are not operating 100% that means we get frustrated that there is an expert i.e Doctor or coach that can fix us up. The truth is that we are nature, a living and breathing animal constantly involved and transforming and making mistakes. Trying to do better, stopping and starting for events that ain’t easy to anticipate or plan for.
Machines only get better, faster and stronger. Let’s stop trying to compare ourselves to machines. Lets reframe and consciously reconnect with our place in nature where change isn’t always linear, where being is less important than doing.
“Live in each season as it passes; breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit, and resign yourself to the influence of the earth.”― Henry David Thoreau, Walden
Podcast
- The peril (and promise) of AI with Tristan Harris: Part 2How I Built This with Guy Raz
All the best in your quest to get better. Don’t Settle: Live with Passion
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