On May 14, 2014, Naval Admiral William H. McRaven delivered an inspiring commencement speech to the 2014 graduating class of the University of Texas at Austin. Taking inspiration from the University of Texas slogan, “What starts here changes the world,” he shared the ten principles he learned during Navy Seal training that helped him overcome challenges not only in his training and long Naval career but also throughout his life. He explained how anyone could use these basic lessons to change themselves and the world for the better.
The speech went viral and it lead the Admiral to write a short book about the simple lessons he learned about overcoming the trials of SEAL training and the challenges of life. The core of the Make your bed book is:
“Remember… start each day with a task completed. Find someone to help you through life. Respect everyone. Know that life is not fair and that you will fail often. But if you take some risks, step up when times are toughest, face down the bullies, lift up the downtrodden, and never, ever give up—if you do these things, then you can change your life for the better… and maybe the world!”
Admiral William H. McRaven (U.S. Navy retired) served with great distinction in the Navy. In his thirty-seven years as a Navy SEAL, he commanded at every level. As a Four-Star Admiral, his final assignment was as Commander of all U.S. Special Operations Forces. He is now Chancellor of the University of Texas System.
Book Title: New Power: How Power Works in Our Hyperconnected World–and How to Make It Work for You Authors: Henry Timms and Jeremy Heimans Publication Year: 2018
Jeremy Heimans, cofounder of Purpose and Avaaz, and Henry Timms, director of the 92nd Street Y in New York—offer a framework for organizations seeking to effectively use the two distinct forces of “old power” and “new power.” Old power, the authors argue, works like a currency. It is held by few and is zero-sum. Once gained, it is jealously guarded, and the powerful have a substantial store of it to spend. It is closed, inaccessible, and leader-driven. It downloads, and it captures.
The future will be a battle over mobilization. The everyday people, leaders, and organizations who flourish will be those best able to channel the participatory energy of those around them—for the good, for the bad, and for the trivial.
New power operates differently, like a current. It is made by many. It is open, participatory, and peer-driven. Like water or electricity, it’s most forceful when it surges. The goal with new power is not to hoard it but to channel it.
New power actors differ from old power players along two dimensions: the models they use to accumulate and exercise power and the values they embrace. Some enterprises, like Facebook, have new power models but don’t seem to embrace the values; others, like Patagonia, have new power values but wield their influence using traditional old power models.
The book is about how to navigate and thrive in a world defined by the battle and balancing of two big forces : The old power and new power.
We live in a hyperconnected, always available, instant everything world. From social media to our email notifications, the internet has amplified our collective level of distraction and inability to focus on a task for a long time. Multitasking is one of our favorite words, but we are busy doing nothing. You can make more money, but you can not make more time. We all get the same amount of time daily, the billionaire and the poor; how we use it is what makes all the difference. Once we use our time, it is gone forever; it is always ticking, moving. The ability to guard and use your time effectively is crucial in navigating the roller coaster of life.
“The best approach to dealing with these interruptions is to accept them and treat them in a gentle way.”
One of the best time management tools that I have found to be very helpful is the Pomodoro Technique developed by Francesco Cirillo, which he developed in 1987 as a time management hack for passing his sociology exam in college.
The Pomodoro Technique is a time management method developed by Francesco Cirillo in the late 1980s. The technique uses a timer to break down work into intervals, traditionally 25 minutes in length, separated by short breaks. Each interval is known as a Pomodoro, from the Italian word for ‘tomato’, after the tomato-shaped kitchen timer that Cirillo used as a university student.
The Pomodoro Technique was created with the aim of using time as a valuable ally to accomplish what we want to do the way we want to do it and to empower us to improve our work or study progress continuously.
Enhance focus and concentration by cutting down on interruptions
Increase awareness of one’s decisions
Boost motivation and keep it constant
Bolster the determination to achieve one’s goals
Refine the estimation process in both qualitative and quantitative terms
Improve one’s work or study process
Strengthen one’s determination to keep applying oneself in complex situations
The Stages of the Pomodoro Technique
The process underlying the Pomodoro Technique consists of five stages:
To implement the Pomodoro Technique, all you need is the following:
A Pomodoro: a kitchen timer
A To Do Today Sheet filled in at the start of each day with the following:
A heading with place, date, and author.
A list of the things to do during the day in order of priority.
A section labeled “Unplanned & Urgent Activities” in which any unexpected tasks that have to be dealt with should be listed as they come up. These activities could modify the day’s plan.
An Activity Inventory Sheet consisting of the following: A heading with the name of the author. A number of lines in which various activities are written down as they come up. At the end of the day, the ones that have been completed are checked off. A Records Sheet. This is the set of raw data needed to produce pertinent reports and graphics. Depending on the objectives, this contains different sets of boxes. Normally, this sheet would include the date, the description, and the number of Pomodoros of effort needed to accomplish a task. This sheet is updated at least once a day, usually at the end of the day. How the Pomodoro Technique Works
OBJECTIVE I:
FIND OUT HOW MUCH EFFORT AN ACTIVITY REQUIRES
The traditional Pomodoro is 30 minutes long: 25 minutes of work plus a 5-minute break. At the beginning of each day, choose the tasks you want to tackle from the Activity Inventory Sheet, prioritize them, and write them down in the To Do Today Sheet.
START THE FIRST POMODORO
Set the Pomodoro for 25 minutes and start the first activity on the To Do Today Sheet. Whoever is using the Pomodoro, whether one person or more, should always be able to see clearly how much time is left.
A Pomodoro can’t be interrupted: It marks 25 minutes of pure work. A Pomodoro can’t be split up: There is no such thing as half a Pomodoro or a quarter of a Pomodoro. The atomic unit of time is a Pomodoro. (Rule: A Pomodoro is indivisible.) If a Pomodoro is interrupted by someone or something, that Pomodoro should be considered void, as if it had never been set; then you should make a fresh start with a new Pomodoro.
When the Pomodoro rings, mark an “X” next to the activity you’ve been working on and take a break for 3 to 5 minutes. When the Pomodoro rings, this signals that the current activity is definitely (though temporarily) finished. You’re not allowed to keep on working “for just a few more minutes” even if you’re convinced that in those few minutes you could complete the task at hand.
The 3- to 5-minute break gives you the time you need to disconnect from your work. This allows your mind to assimilate what’s been learned in the last 25 minutes and also gives you a chance to do something good for your health, which will help you do your best during the next Pomodoro. During this break you can stand up and walk around the room, have a drink of water, or fantasize about where you’ll go on your next vacation. You can do deep breathing or stretching exercises. If you work with other people, you can swap a joke or two.
EVERY FOUR POMODOROS
Every four Pomodoros, stop the activity you’re working on and take a longer break, from 15 to 30 minutes.
The 15- to 30-minute break provides an ideal opportunity to tidy your desk, take a trip to the coffee machine, listen to voice mail, check incoming e-mails, or simply rest and do breathing exercises or take a walk. The important thing is not to do anything complex; otherwise your mind won’t be able to reorganize and integrate what you’ve learned, and as a result you won’t be able to give the next Pomodoro your best effort. Obviously, during this break you need to stop thinking about what you did during the last Pomodoros.
COMPLETING AN ACTIVITY
Keep on working, Pomodoro after Pomodoro, until the task is finished and then cross it out on the To Do Today Sheet
Once the current activity has been completed, move on to the next one on the list and then the next, taking breaks after every Pomodoro and every four Pomodoros.
As pomodoros are completed, they are recorded, adding to a sense of accomplishment and providing raw data for subsequent self-observation and improvement.
Recording
With the Pomodoro Technique, it’s not essential to track the start time for an activity (or for every Pomodoro). What’s important is to track the number of Pomodoros actually completed: the real effort. This point is the key to understanding the Pomodoro Technique. Since tracking is done at least once a day, remembering and reconstructing the start times for activities isn’t difficult; in fact, this kind of recall is a beneficial mental exercise.
A useful technique for remembering start times is to do a rundown of the day beginning with the most recent activity and moving backward to the first one.
A useful technique for remembering start times is to do a rundown of the day beginning with the most recent activity and moving backward to the first one.
Title: The Book You Were Born to Write: Everything You Need to (Finally) Get Your Wisdom onto the Page and into the World Author: Kelly Notaras.
The Book You Were Born to Write is a guide to writing a full-length transformational nonfiction book by the editor and author Kelly Notaras. After two decades working as a book editor—editing many of today’s biggest personal growth and spirituality authors—Kelly Notaras saw that her clients and readers had important questions about the transformational book writing journey. The Book You Were Born to Write is her answer!
Boundaries are limits and rules we set for things we are responsible for. We define who we are and who we are not. We can set boundaries for our time and energy, personal space, identity, possessions, culture, spirituality, ethics, values, marriage, thought process, etc. Our Boundaries or lack of boundaries are shaped by among other things our upbringing, caregivers, family dynamics, life experiences, personality type (Introvert or extrovert), life experiences, worldview, etc.
As the CEO and founder of Compass Real Estate, Robert Reffkin has used modern technology to revolutionize the real estate industry. Now he’s demystifying the ins and outs of the home-buying process and sharing tools that will help you buy or sell a home with confidence.
Robert earned his undergraduate degree from Columbia University in just over two years. At 25, he became a White House Fellow, serving for a year as special assistant to Treasury Secretary John Snow. When Robert returned to banking, he spent five years as a VP at Goldman Sachs and a year as now-president and COO Gary Cohn’s chief of staff.
Robert has always been passionate about helping people make their dreams a reality. In 2008 he raised $1.3 million to help the Success Charter Network open its first school in the Bronx. He is also the author of “No One Succeeds Alone” and the founder of America Needs You, a nonprofit that provides career development and mentorship to first-generation college students. No matter how big your dreams are, Robert proves that with the right strategy, you can achieve anything.
“You cannot force someone to want to change their behavior. After all, they are not just “behaviors” to the person suffering from the disorder—they are coping mechanisms they have used all their life.” — John M. Grohol, Psy.D.
Title: Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder Authors: Paul T. T. Mason MS and Randi Kreger Year: 2020 – Third Edition
Living with someone with a personality disorder is a roller coaster of emotions and uncertainties. The disorder leads to emotional instability, negative self-image, and difficulty with interpersonal relationships. In Stop Walking on Eggshells, authors Randi Kreger and Paul T. T. Mason MS write about caring for someone with Borderline Personality Disorder, setting boundaries, and caring for yourself.
“Although you can’t change the person with BPD, you can change yourself. By examining your own behavior and modifying your actions, you can get off the emotional roller coaster and reclaim your life.”
We teach people how to treat us, we get what we allow. We live in a world where people would use you if you allow them to. It takes courage to set standards for your life as people would constantly take advantage of your insecurities. If you continue to give people the benefit of the doubt, eventually they would get the benefit and you get the doubt. This is a personal philosophy of mine: If you are not going to be there for me in my struggle, you are not going to come near my castle. As Maya Angelou once said, “If people show you who they are, believe them”. If people are always taking from your cup, you would not have anything to give eventually,
A lot of us allow ourselves to be used because we do not have or set healthy boundaries. I know it can be hard to set boundaries or say no, especially to family and friends. Knowing yourself (self-awareness) makes you see people for who they are: The narcissist, the drama king or queen, the codependent, the manipulator, and the gaslighters, etc. You need to say yes to yourself first, it might sound selfish but you need to care for yourself before you can care for others. We stay in toxic and destructive relationships as we convince ourselves that we can not live life without some people. The challenge with that thinking is that your time here is finite, but you keep allowing toxicity into your short life, which is not sustainable.
American actress and 21 times Academy Award nominee and three-time winner Meryl Streep delivered the 2010 commencement speech at Barnard College of Columbia University.
It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.
Former President of the United States, Theodore Roosevelt, delivered the ‘Citizenship in a Republic’ Speech at the Sorbonne in Paris on April 23, 1910. The speech is one of the most quoted Roosevelt speeches, and it is popularly known as “The Man in the Arena.” speech. The man in the arena portion is one of the most quoted and notable section in the speech. The speech was part of a larger trip to Europe that included visits to Vienna, Budapest, and Oslo.
After leaving office in 1909, Roosevelt left New York for the Smithsonian-Roosevelt African Expedition, a safari in east and central Africa. He served as the 26th president of the United States from 1901 to 1909. He remains the youngest person to become President of the United States, he assumed the presidency at age 42.
Man in the Arena Speech
It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.
Shame on the man of cultivated taste who permits refinement to develop into a fastidiousness that unfits him for doing the rough work of a workaday world. Among the free peoples who govern themselves there is but a small field of usefulness open for the men of cloistered life who shrink from contact with their fellows. Still less room is there for those who deride or slight what is done by those who actually bear the brunt of the day; nor yet for those others who always profess that they would like to take action, if only the conditions of life were not what they actually are. The man who does nothing cuts the same sordid figure in the pages of history, whether he be cynic, or fop, or voluptuary. There is little use for the being whose tepid soul knows nothing of the great and generous emotion, of the high pride, the stern belief, the lofty enthusiasm, of the men who quell the storm and ride the thunder. Well for these men if they succeed; well also, though not so well, if they fail, given only that they have nobly ventured, and have put forth all their heart and strength. It is war-worn Hotspur, spent with hard fighting, he of the many errors and the valiant end, over whose memory we love to linger, not over the memory of the young lord who “but for the vile guns would have been a soldier.
Man in the Arena in popular Culture
Former president of post-apartheid South Africa Nelson Mandela is said to have given a copy of the Man in the Arena speech to the captain of the South African rugby team, François Pienaar, before the start of the 1995 Rugby World Cup, in which the South African team defeated the All Blacks New Zealand team.
American author Brene Brown got the inspiration for the title of her 2012 book from the speech. In the book, Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead, she writes about the speech:
“The first time I read this quote, I thought, This is vulnerability. Everything I’ve learned from over a decade of research on vulnerability has taught me this exact lesson. Vulnerability is not knowing victory or defeat, it’s understanding the necessity of both; it’s engaging. It’s being all in.”
“Vulnerability is not weakness, and the uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure we face every day are not optional. Our only choice is a question of engagement. Our willingness to own and engage with our vulnerability determines the depth of our courage and the clarity of our purpose; the level to which we protect ourselves from being vulnerable is a measure of our fear and disconnection. When we spend our lives waiting until we’re perfect or bulletproof before we walk into the arena, we ultimately sacrifice relationships and opportunities that may not be recoverable, we squander our precious time, and we turn our backs on our gifts, those unique contributions that only we can make.
Perfect and bulletproof are seductive, but they don’t exist in the human experience. We must walk into the arena, whatever it may be—a new relationship, an important meeting, our creative process, or a difficult family conversation—with courage and the willingness to engage. Rather than sitting on the sidelines and hurling judgment and advice, we must dare to show up and let ourselves be seen. This is vulnerability. This is daring greatly.
Bene Brown also paraphrased the Man in the Arena speech in her 2012 TED talk speech: Listening to Shame.
Lebron James
LeBron James writes “Man in the Arena” on his shoes before every game. In his 2018 podcast interview with author and podcaster Tim Ferris, Lebron speaks about his love for the Man in the Arena quote:
Tim Ferriss: And it’s, I think, the consistency which is such a focus for a lot of, at least, my listeners when they’re looking at your career. It’s been astonishing to watch over time. And many people want to know about the habits or the reminders, things along these lines. And one of the things I came across – I don’t know if it’s true, you could tell me. But did you at one point have Theodore Roosevelt’s “Man in the Arena” quote in your locker?
LeBron James: I still do.
Tim Ferriss: You still do. Why –
LeBron James: I write it on my shoes every game too.
Tim Ferriss: All right. Why is that important to you?
LeBron James: It just hit home for me at a point in time where I was listening to people that I shouldn’t have been listening to, meaning there are always people out there that are going to judge you and critique you and say that you should do this, or you shouldn’t do that.
And at that point in time, I wasn’t mature enough to just believe in the decisions that I’ve made. And I’m a true believer in the more and more that you listen to things like that, then it’ll creep into your mind, and you start to believe it. And once I started to study some of the great leaders that we’ve had in our time, I ran across that quote from Theodore Roosevelt, “The Man in the Arena.” For our listeners that don’t know about it, it’s basically saying that it truly doesn’t matter what anyone says because they’ve never stepped inside the arena. They’ve never had the blood and the sweat and the tears or paid their dues inside the arena. So they can’t really understand or critique you about what’s going on in your life. And that hit home for me. And that stuck with me to this day.
It’s basically saying that it truly doesn’t matter what anyone says because they’ve never stepped inside the arena. They’ve never had the blood and the sweat and the tears or paid their dues inside the arena. So they can’t really understand or critique you about what’s going on in your life.
The Man in the Arena quote is one of my favorite speeches of all time. As a creative, you need to trust the process, ignore the naysayers, bet on yourself, and continue to execute day in, day out. Like Roosevelt aptly said, “It is not the critic who counts; the credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood.”
All the Best in your quest to get Better. Don’t Settle: Live with Passion.
The Drama Triangle is a model of human interaction that maps a type of destructive interaction that can occur among people in conflict.
The Karpman drama triangle was developed by psychiatrist and Transactional Analysis teacher Dr. Stephen B. Karpma. He was a student of Canadian-born psychiatrist Eric Berne, M.D., the creator of transactional analysis psychology and author of Games People Play. The Drama Triangle is a model of human interaction that maps a type of destructive interaction that can occur among people in conflict.
The triangle of actors in the drama are persecutors, victims, and rescuers.
In order to move through the stages from Caretaker to self-care, you need to know what you think, how you feel, what you want, and how you want to live your life.
Marriage and Family Therapist Margalis Fjelstad profers strategies for dealing and living with people with Borderline or Narcissist Personality Disorders. In Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist: How to End the Drama and Get On with Life, Margalis shares tools for breaking the cycle of drama and ways for developing a new path of personal freedom, discovery, and self-awareness.
The book looks at how someone can move from being a caring person to being a Caretaker and the effects of that role. Factors that contribute to these more extreme reactions, how they impact your life as a Caretaker, how Caretakers are set up for failure, how to get out of the Caretaker role, and how to become that loving, caring person you want to be.
According to the World Health Organization (WHO), Mental Health is a state of well-being in which an individual realizes his or her own abilities, can cope with the normal stresses of life, can work productively and is able to make a contribution to his or her community. Multiple social, psychological, and biological factors determine the level of mental health of a person at any point of time.
Algorithms control almost everything we do on the internet, from Google search, Netflix movie recommendations, our Facebook news feed, Job applications, etc. Algorithms are mathematical models used to solve a set of problems or to perform computational instructions. American Mathematician and Author Cathy O’Neil write about the impact of big data algorithms on increasing preexisting inequality in the world. In Weapons of Math Destruction: How Big Data Increases Inequality and Threatens Democracy, she calls these algorithms Weapons of Math Destruction.
WMDs, are mathematical models or algorithms that claim to quantify important traits: teacher quality, recidivism risk, creditworthiness but have harmful outcomes and often reinforce inequality, keeping the poor poorer and the rich richer.
Cathy defines algorithms as opinions embedded in code. These algorithms are being weaponized, and she argues that the algorithms are becoming more Widespread, Mysterious, and Destructive. She sights examples of how the WMDs are being used in various fields such as teacher assessment, predictive policing, insurance, the justice system, microtargeting politics, money lending, and how the algorithm decisions can lead to increasing inequality, reinforcing racism, and harming the poor.
